Yes, yes, wearing a hijab is all about piety and important things (you can read all about that here).
But no one really talks about the real benefits of wearing a hijab. Here are a couple:
1. No bad hair days. Ever. No seriously, ever.
Now granted, this one is probably the most obvious one – I just didn’t want to blow your mind too soon. Let me gently ease you into this other world of hijab-wearing-ness.
You know what it’s like. You wake up late. You need to get to work. You need to do something with your hair. You need to look professional. You don’t know if you want your hair in a bun again.
Actually, you don’t. You slip on a pretty coloured cap, wrap a lavish scarf around your face and suddenly you’re presentable. No one needs to see the birds nest that your hair has become.
Bonus benefit: You can colour your hair whatever colour you want. It’s never going to be that bad because seriously, who’s going to see it? Girlfriend coming over and you don’t even want her to see what your hairdresser’s creativity has done to you?
Easy. You say ‘sorry, sister. My piety levels are unprecedented today. I’m going to spend extra time covered up’. DONE.
2. Arabian Bluetooth.
Alright. You’re shopping and need to push the trolly. You’re a mother and need to push a pram. You’re walking and want to swing your arms for…more exercise. You’re driving (maybe?) and want to be safe or at work, frantically typing up an urgent document. You need to take an (un/)important phone call but don’t have enough hands to hold the stupid phone up to your ear and those stupid hands-free devices are dumb and never sound right.
Well who says you need 3 arms when you can shove your phone up into your hijab and have it sit their sturdily, close to your mouth and firmly sat against your ear? For years, I’ve been sticking my phone into my hijab and walking around. Seriously. Look at how convenient that is. LOOK AT IT. ENLARGE THE PICTURE AND ADMIRE THE HANDS-FREE-NESS.
Never have my hands been freer to do things. I sometimes slip my hijab on so that I can clean my house and talk to someone – it means I can pretend I’m not actually cleaning, I’m just talking to so-and-so.
If I wasn’t a lazy slob, I could literally go for runs and not have my phone fall out. At all.
When I lived in Sydney, people were entertained but were semi-accustomed to seeing a hijabi walking around like this. Once I moved to Canberra, people started chuckling and trying to sneak “subtle” second glances. I cannot imagine the number of pictures which have been taken of me doing this.
3. Arabian Bib.
It is extremely rare for me to have a meal where I don’t feed the table, floor and my clothes. Nine times out of ten, it occurs with the very last bite, when I’ve become cocky and ready to exclaim ‘I DID IT!!!!!’
I’ve learned over the years to get really, reaaaaaaaaally good at hiding the food smears with my hijab. And I have multiple chances in a day to dribble and clean up. Let me explain.
My hijabs are almost exclusively massive squares that are about 150cm x 150cm
For reference, pretend that my face sits in the middle of the dotted line. The green dot is draped across my chest and pinned at my left shoulder, the black dot is wrapped around my head and secured on the left side of my head and the red dot falls down my back.
All I have to do is find myself a bathroom, take off my hijab and make flip it upside down. The disgusting stain is now sitting in below another layer of fabric, and by the time I’m done with it, you wouldn’t even know if it was there. If I’m feeling extra fancy, I can wash the section clean and then stick my hijab under the hand-dryer thing for an instant clean. ALL DONE.
The best part is that I can fold the hijab in multiple directions! In fact, I am now SO good at hiding my disgusting dribbles that I can have the stain sit underneath a part where I’ll know a couple of layers of fabric will fall on top. Zero clue that my hijab is actually a portable bib.
I can see the men lining up as I type.
4. Music hiding device
Okay. This is my head. WHERE ARE MY EARS?? do I have ears? How do I hear things?
I do, and I hear things magically.
Now although I’ve never done this (promise) I know SO MANY GIRLS who would stick their headphones in their ears, run the wire under their hijabs and hide their iPods in their pockets or in their bras and listen to their music in various situations, completely undetected.
Class? Lectures? Hanging out with annoying family members? Sick of listening to that co-worker crying about the fact that her friend-with-benefits won’t date her? Generally want to block out the universe and listen to nothing but the sweet, sweet sounds of Sami Yusuf or Beyonce?
Don’t flaunt it. Be polite and block people out without them even knowing! You’ll always be the nice one who is always just such a good listener.
Bonus use: I apparently have a tiny ear-hole because I can never keep my earphones in. When I’m cleaning and don’t feel like talking to anyone, I pop one of my caps on and it keeps my hair out of my way AND holds my earphones against my ear. Swwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeetttt.
5. Want to wear those orange trousers with that green blouse but don’t want to look insane? Stick a green and orange pattered scarf on top and suddenly you are a colour genius.
6. Ate a little too much and developed a little gut that, combined with that usually-sexy-pencil-skirt, makes you look pregnant? Drape a slightly longer scarf over your chest and cover your tum-tum.
7. Similarly, have a great top that looks amazing on the front but shows off your back fat? Don’t worry, your hijab will fall down your back and cover it all up. No need for expensive shapewear that promises to flaten your back-fat-bulge.
8. Want to breastfeed in public but you’re worried about flashing a little too much boob? Wrap lightweight hijab around yourself and let your little one suckle underneath ’till their heart’s content.
9. Cold and can’t find a stylish, comfortable beanie that’ll cover your poor little ears and a scarf that’ll sit on your freezing little neck? Wear a thicker hijab and keep YOUR WHOLE HEAD warm. You are a temple and your thick hijab is your fortification.
10. Want to go out without a bra but don’t want anyone to see your nips? Don’t worry, your hijab will cover the region and no one will see anything.
That’s all, folks! Do you have any other creative suggestions? Let me know. I’m aaalways open to suggestions.